Friday, April 16, 2010
♥ Friday, April 16, 2010
im totally lost.just had contact with her and here im alone alr... everyting is over.. all this hardwork i put in all the efforts that i put in has gone down to drain.. i dont know who to trust anymore.. im just very fragile now.. maybe they were right.. we love because we put in our efforts and love is like giving and taking.. maybe i just gave away too much to u that u took advantage.. i couldnt blame u more because it;s your nature. and ur upbringing could further lead me to an understanding that you're just like this. i once loved u and will still love u until some time when i might really forget.. but this time is a long long time... 15th april and 16th april is like the worse days of my life ever. i just gotta remember this hard in me that someone that brought me so high up could also throw me so deep down. maybe because of your ruthness it makes me stronger, it just taught me how to play this game of love and not to ever trust anybody anymore... as much as i wanan see u and enjoy ourselves for the last time.. i know u wouldnt want to because u said on the phone u just dont wanna see me. how sad can i be? i loved u so much yet the only person i ever did loved so much is hating me like to the core ever. doubt she will ever come find me in a short while ever again.. everytime i ask god, why cant u just grant me someone faithfully? did i really ask for more? i dnot mind if u want to club and play dirty but no sex with others is all i ever ask for. was it really too much for me? or was there another theory that someone could enlighten me? maybe there were really no such things as pure love and everybody been faithful like what we see in fairytales. maybe everybody has cheated before but they nvr speak to their spouse. was i too naive??
they say the greatest love is letting go. i cant feel this "greatest" love from u or me given to u yet. maybe im still young and it takes time to understand.. i hope i really can understand all this so as i can just grow up and pass my time faster to forget you. i raelly dont know if this marks the end of us. maybe i shouldnt look back anymore. i should move on and quit stucking on someone like u. why are u able to let me go so easily and hate me so easily. how i wish i can be like u. hating u so that i couldnt be bothered.. or maybe not.. this might be just one sided thoughts of me.. maybe u on the otherhand is just crying as bad as me or far worse off.. maybe u on other hand is suffering more than me but i just never knew... im really really so dead... now i dont even feel like going school. i FEEL LIKE SHIT. SERIOUSLY GOD. FML??? WHY NOT JUST LET ME BORN TO BE A FUCKED UP PLAYBOY THEN END UP CRYING LIKE A DICK. WHY AM I THE ONE SUFFERNIG ALL THIS AGAIN? IT ISNT FAIR GOD.. OH RIGHT NOTHING WAS EVER FAIR.. I JUST CANT STOP TYPING ARGH... thoughts of u going his house creeps in all the negative stuffs alr.. i really suck why cant i just trust u? was it too much of drama or was it because my surroundings make me like this? i myself really dont utd why do i have to worry so much over u. why cant i just believe that u reject every single dickheads on earth for me. why do i think that because u visited his house u both did sth. FUCK IT. WHY AM I LIKE THIS? OR MAYBE IF WE SWAPPED POSITION MAYBE U MIGHT FEEL THE SAME AS ME? OR NOT? I REALLY WANTT O HAVE A GOOD TALK WITH U BUT I FIND IT HARD ALR... ok fuck it i should go sleep. FUCK SCHOOL. FUCK LOVE.. today im officially locking my heart. no one and i mean no one can or will ever enter again.. sigh now i feel so like watching hi my sweetheart to cry even more... such heartaches... or maybe i should watch the show to regain confidence in love.. maybe u're just a passerby in life. i should start trusting every single girls i get into r/s with so that i might find the real one.. hmmm.. sounds good but can i do it??? god u gotta help me :(
they say the greatest love is letting go. i cant feel this "greatest" love from u or me given to u yet. maybe im still young and it takes time to understand.. i hope i really can understand all this so as i can just grow up and pass my time faster to forget you. i raelly dont know if this marks the end of us. maybe i shouldnt look back anymore. i should move on and quit stucking on someone like u. why are u able to let me go so easily and hate me so easily. how i wish i can be like u. hating u so that i couldnt be bothered.. or maybe not.. this might be just one sided thoughts of me.. maybe u on the otherhand is just crying as bad as me or far worse off.. maybe u on other hand is suffering more than me but i just never knew... im really really so dead... now i dont even feel like going school. i FEEL LIKE SHIT. SERIOUSLY GOD. FML??? WHY NOT JUST LET ME BORN TO BE A FUCKED UP PLAYBOY THEN END UP CRYING LIKE A DICK. WHY AM I THE ONE SUFFERNIG ALL THIS AGAIN? IT ISNT FAIR GOD.. OH RIGHT NOTHING WAS EVER FAIR.. I JUST CANT STOP TYPING ARGH... thoughts of u going his house creeps in all the negative stuffs alr.. i really suck why cant i just trust u? was it too much of drama or was it because my surroundings make me like this? i myself really dont utd why do i have to worry so much over u. why cant i just believe that u reject every single dickheads on earth for me. why do i think that because u visited his house u both did sth. FUCK IT. WHY AM I LIKE THIS? OR MAYBE IF WE SWAPPED POSITION MAYBE U MIGHT FEEL THE SAME AS ME? OR NOT? I REALLY WANTT O HAVE A GOOD TALK WITH U BUT I FIND IT HARD ALR... ok fuck it i should go sleep. FUCK SCHOOL. FUCK LOVE.. today im officially locking my heart. no one and i mean no one can or will ever enter again.. sigh now i feel so like watching hi my sweetheart to cry even more... such heartaches... or maybe i should watch the show to regain confidence in love.. maybe u're just a passerby in life. i should start trusting every single girls i get into r/s with so that i might find the real one.. hmmm.. sounds good but can i do it??? god u gotta help me :(
♥ And did I tell you that I love you tonight
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